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.He managedto get a second puff in before he heard Edith come through thedoor.As he turned and settled his butt against the stair rail,Brandon looked up.He didn t say anything.Edith smiled, tightand strained, and pulled her coat close around her. You shouldhave waited for me. Brandon shrugged. Why? You already took my shoelaces. What? We didn t The reference seemed to sink in, Oh.You got your father s horrible sense of humor, you know that? When Brandon didn t respond she continued, Speaking ofwhich, I just talked to your father. Of course she had.Nicky sphone bill was going to be through the roof this month. He sworried about you.I m worried about you. Turning away, Brandon stared off across the small yard.The twisted branches of the winter bare tree in the center ofNicky s patio scratched the sky as desolate as Brandon s thoughts. I don t want to talk about it, Edith. Fuck, she d told his dad,probably everything. You didn t, like, tell him everything, didyou? Thirty years old and that thought frightened Brandon like ALL OR NOTHING 271he was thirteen again getting caught lying about something& likeabout who he was since puberty. About how you re holding up? Yes.He s your father heshould know about that.Everything else, that s for you to tellhim, not me. She paused and sighed. He should be in thisafternoon.With all the messed up flights in New York, they stuckhim on a plane to Miami.He ll have a layover there and get out,hopefully, late this morning.We won t see him until sometime inthe afternoon. Why does he have to come? Brandon grumbled to no onein particular. There s nothing for him to do here. Shayna is his granddaughter and he s your father and heloves you. After another puff of the cigarette Brandon snorted, Yeah,right. Brandon didn t doubt his dad loved him.Liked him?Respected him? Those were completely different matters alltogether.Edith came down to stand on the step above Brandon s. Whydo you say that? It put her voice almost right behind his ear. Dad hates everything I ve done in my life. Brandon tookanother drag. He hates who I am the fuck up cop. They dhad knock-down drag-out fights over every choice Brandon hadmade since high school.One more deep drag and then Brandonfinished his thought. If he finds out I m gay, he ll just have onemore thing confirming that I m a total fuck up. Like I said, Edith tugged at the collar of Brandon s jacket.He swatted her hand away, but it made him look at her. Hehates the biker look.He doesn t hate the man wearing it. Edithwrapped her arms over her chest and stared Brandon in the eyes. He worries about you. A sad smile didn t back up her wordsvery well. He ll be so embarrassed by me& his gay kid. Not that thatwas anything new.Holidays at his dad s house, some gathering,and his dad always introduced Jacob the doctor and Benjamin theCPA first.Then, like an afterthought it d be, and you know my son 272 James BuchananBrandon, the cop. No he won t, Edith chided. Like I said before, you have noidea how proud he is of you. You re so funny, Brandon choked on a bitter laugh, wecould get you a gig on the strip. Edith rolled her eyes.Then she smiled and leaned in a bit. All the time he talks about you.His son Brandon making adifference. Rubbing her hands over her upper arms like she wascold, Edith added, You know that you re the one who inspiredhim to volunteer.His practice was wonderful, but knowinghow you gave yourself to the people, protecting them& wellhe thought he could take a couple of years to help people whoneeded him. Brandon took one last puff before tossing the butt on theconcrete.He crushed the cigarette out with the toe of his boot. This would ruin that. Why do you think that? You re a wonderful person, Nick is awonderful person. Reaching out, she brushed her thumb acrosshis cheek. Give your father some credit.He s human, but allhe ever wanted was for you to be happy. Edith added a small,embarrassed laugh. This may take a little bit of getting used tofor him.I know your mother would have just been tickled byNick.Might have given you a little grief about him not beingJewish, but she would have adored him. Whether his mom would have liked Nicky didn t matter.She d been dead twenty years. Dad, just I don t think he ll everaccept who I am. Don t close yourself off from the possibility before he seven had a chance to see you and Nick together. He ll freak, Brandon huffed. I ve blown every expectationhe ever had of me. Brandon could barely say it.His face got allhot and the edges of his world started crumbling again. This willjust confirm for him what a loser he has for a son. He managedto mumble his thoughts through tight lips. Oh, Brandon, no. Edith reached out and hugged him. ALL OR NOTHING 273Brandon stiffened, but didn t push her away. Don t ever believethat about yourself.Do not for a moment think that your fatherbelieves that. Rocking them slightly, Edith whispered, You area wonderful man. Edith pulled back and wiped the corners ofher eyes with her fingers. You were becoming a great man. I have no clue what you re talking about, Edith. A truly great man is not measured by his accomplishments,but by the love and respect others give him.A great man seeswhen he makes a mistake and tries to set it right. What the fuck do you mean? Brandon kicked the rail behindhim. Cause I don t get it. You reached out to love someone, even if it scared you aboutwhat others would think.You connected with him.You realizedyou made a mistake with Shayna and began the steps to bring herback into your life.You have to keep working on this great maninside you. He shoved his hands in his back pocket and glared. How thehell do I do that? Are you asking for my advice? Depends on what it is. Stay with Nick.I didn t know, but somehow the first time Isaw you together, I just felt the emotional connection betweenyou, how special it was.So don t let your fear of what your father,or anyone else, thinks rob you of that. Like she d done whenBrandon was an errant teen, Edith slapped his shoulder. On apractical level, from someone who used to be a nurse, both ofyou quit smoking.Now come on.You re finished and I m cold.Let s go back inside and I ll make some more coffee. CHAPTER 26 Have you seen Jen today? Nick called to Ada as she exitedthe break room.He d been searching the office since a little afterhis arrival.First he d met with the lab manager, brought himup to speed on everything personal and professional.Then it dbeen the hunt for the data monkey named Jen and the reportshe needed. No. Ada waited while he jogged up. I think she called insick. Nick hissed, Shit. Almost immediately he wished he hadn t.He never cussed in front of Ada.Like she hadn t heard, Ada smiled and asked, Why are youhere& after everything on Monday? Because I have work to do and no PTO left. Running onehand through his hair in frustration, Nick huffed. Although,since I ve got to get the project finished, the Chief said I cangrab the preliminary reports and work the data from home today.Thank God. I thank God every day, Ada smiled, but what s goingon? It s nothing. Nick shrugged. Nick. Gently she reached out and took his hand in hers. Nothing in your life is nothing right now. Ada, they d never been close [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]