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.But&. Tommy looked up at him, unhappy. That s never what I wanted to be either, but it looks like I might behere a while. Buster wandered out of the darkened living room behind thekitchen and Chase bent down to pet him, feeling the age in his sharpbones and loose skin.The cat didn t care, apparently, that he was like apiece of living history, because he purred under Chase s hand,insinuating himself until Chase picked him up and touched noses withhim. Hey, Buster, he said to stall for time.He felt out of syncsomehow.He d been prepared to leave this behind.He and Mercymaybe lived three miles from this place, their apartment building by thecollege, graceless and inelegant off of Howe Avenue.To him,answering Tommy s call of Need to see you.Now! had meant that theyhad entered a pact of sorts, a secret world.Tommy s house would besacrosanct, a sanctuary from all of the shit that they did and they saidand they felt cornered into that they weren t proud of and couldn t lookin the face twenty-four-seven.But not to Tommy.Tommy wanted him maybe because Tommywanted someone to hold his hand while he looked that shit in the face,and Chase felt a surge of admiration for him.Tommy Halloran was sofucking brave.Chase would never, in a million years, feel worthy. What do you want, Tommy? Chase asked seriously as Bustersettled into his lap to drool on his coat.Tommy looked at him andsmiled, but his crazy Loki-the-lunatic-sex-god smile didn t reach hiseyes.They weren t bright and gleaming anymore; they were dark andsad. I want you. Chase closed his eyes. You have me.Whatever parts of me I cangive you, you have them.You have them if you work porn, you havethem if you get fat, you have them if you go back to school and run ananimal shelter or become a scientist or a history major or a poet.I m adouche bag.What I m doin to you ain t fair.But as long as you wantme, in pieces or whole, you have me. He felt Tommy s breath on his face, and when he looked up,Tommy had moved from across the table to kneel in front of him. What you re doin to me ain t half as bad as what you re doingto yourself, Tommy said quietly.It s been done, Tommy.Don t worry about it now. Can we not talk about it? Chase pleaded. I& God.I feel&thin.Like paper.Please& I just want to hold you so I feel strongagain. Tommy s arms went around his shoulders and Chase actuallytrembled.The day slid away, like water down a shower drain.It didn tmatter who Chase had been with or who he had touched.It didn tmatter that he had spent an hour on his toes fucking Kane while Kane sfoot had been propped up on a dresser and he d been executing a three-quarter split.That wasn t a part of him anymore.All that made upChase Julian Summers was Tommy Halloran s arms around hisshoulders.One of Tommy s long, bony hands slid beneath the heavy bluewool on Chase s shoulders, and Chase shuddered.With the other hand,Tommy scooped Buster off his lap and put the poor old man gently onhis feet, scratching him on the top of the head before giving him agentle shove toward the living room.Tommy stood up again andpositioned himself in front of Chase, looking down at his upturned face in a way that made Chase feel pinned to his seat by the weight and theheat, and the longing. Take your coat off, Tommy whispered. Stay a while. Tommy slid the coat down his arms, and before Chase could domuch more than shudder, Tommy had cupped his hands aroundChase s face and captured his mouth in a kiss.Porn kisses were quick and hard.It was like every touch of lips toskin was a power exercise in finding an erogenous zone and lighting itup like a pinball machine.Tommy s kisses weren t like that at all.Thisstarted out with a brush of lips, a whisper.Tommy whispered againstChase s skin once, twice, again, and enough for Chase s lips topractically tingle, and then Tommy opened his mouth, pulling Chase sopen with it, and Chase gave a whimper and melted.Chase s mouth was open and wide and Tommy was plunderinghim with his tongue, and Chase s skin felt like it was jumping off hisbody.Chase s breathing started to quicken, and his groin gave a torturedthrob and the sound that was strangled in the back of his throat washungry and pathetic at once.Tommy pulled back and rubbed Chase slips with his thumb. No worries, okay? Here.I know what you need it s what Ialways need after a scene, okay? It s Tommy Halloran s treatment forbeing oversexed all day and needing to give your dick a break, okay? Chase laughed a little and closed his eyes, enjoying Tommy shands framing his face. That sounds amazing, he said, and two hourslater he felt the same way, only squared.It turned out that in addition to painting the house gray with neon-orange trim, Tommy had also added a Jacuzzi bathtub in his bathroom,big enough to sit two.Chase spent an hour in that bathtub, just stretching in the quietwith Tommy at the other end.Tommy had put some music on thestereo Coldplay, a band Chase loved and they talked softly,desultorily, covering everything from Chase s classes to Tommy sunfortunate ennui. Man, it s gotta be something, Tommy said with a sigh. I mean,I love working out, but I can t do it more than two hours a day, itmakes me fucking crazy.But& it s like none of the stuff I want to domakes any sense, you know? Chase slid down to his neck in the water and gingerly moved hisfeet around Tommy s hips so he didn t accidentally kick him in theballs. You know that guy whats isname Adam Somethin-or-other?Used to do The Man Show, now he does some sort of thing about cars? Adam Corolla? Yeah! That s the guy.My friend Kevin is crazy about him,mostly because Kevin s crazy about things with tits, and me, not somuch, right? No kidding, Tommy said dryly, and Chase splashed some waterat him, too relaxed to do much more in the way of fuck you. Anyway, so this guy wrote a book, and it s a best seller, and thething is, one of his favorite things to say is, do something you love notfor money, just do it to do it.Do it to get better at it, do it to enjoy it.Do it because you love it, and eventually, you ll find a way to make aliving doing it.And it worked for him, you know? He started offworking at a radio station for free, and he just kept& I don t know,going there and learning his trade, right? That s what you ve got to do. Tommy blinked. Work in a radio station? Volunteer with animals, dumbass! Go into a shelter or a vet soffice and volunteer, and see what sort of jobs are out there and whatyou need to do to get them.Then you ll know what to train for, right?And in the meantime, after you work out, you ve got something onyour roster that makes you happy! Tommy reached down and ran a hand along Chase s calf.Maybe,on another day, Chase would have gotten hard from that touch alone,but after the shoot with Kane, the touch just made him want to betouched all over but not sexually. We ve been here a while, Tommy said. Here.Let s get out,and you dry off and put on some sweats or something.I m going to goget us some food and meet you in there, okay? Chase shuddered. It s real nice of you, taking care of me, youknow? Shut up and get out of the tub [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]