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.It was emboldening to know that Carhart needed him.He'd been feeling so lost andalone since he'd returned from his mission.He'd been so unstable.Thinking clearlywithout the ever-present sorrow and anger clouding his vision, he had toacknowledge that this reminded him he wasn't on his own.He had Ryan andKassian and, now, Carhart.Maybe he even had Emilio.There were people he couldtrust even if the rest of the Agency had gone to shit.Even so, it was al overrun by a sense of impending doom.Even Carhart wasexpecting to die at any second.Even Carhart didn't trust the future.Even Carhart feltsusceptible.It underscored the severity of the situation at the Agency.He'd thought it had been bad before but it had been nothing like this.And to think itcould get even worse.Still, hearing from Carhart that he needed him to be strong gave him more reason tofight.It gave him more encouragement to be there not only as support for Carhartbut for the others, too.Ryan and Kassian and maybe Emilio.they probably neededsomeone they felt they could trust just as much as he did.They needed someone torely on.It was reassuring to feel needed."How long do you think it will be until you can't cover it up anymore?""I don't know.Hopeful y it doesn't come to that.Maybe if it does, we can finaglethings to make this revelation look recent if we have to.Maybe we can lead her tobelieve it happened under her own watch.Your mother is good at manipulatinginformation to say what she wants it to say."Boyd knew that almost better than anyone."Is there anything I can do to help?""Be smart and keep your nose clean.I'm not telling you to forget Sin but don't letyour grief win you over.Once that happens, they win.You'll be another agent whoshe can replace." Carhart shoved the cup away and started to stand, glancing at hiswatch."I have to go back before I'm missed.There is surveillance everywhere now.Theywatch the outside of my apartment so it isn't safe there to meet.Brian is one of thefew people I trust-- he has his own reasons for hating the new admin and he is ourgo-between because she doesn't pay as much attention to civilian staff.""Okay." Boyd stayed seated so they wouldn't be leaving at the same time on the offchance the pub was under surveillance or one of them had been followed.A thoughtoccurred to him."I installed their security system at my house before I left.I havecameras on the outside.I assume they may be watching those too now?""Yes.The good news is, most of the surveillance does not capture audio.But still--be on your guard.And." Carhart trailed off for a moment before shaking his head."Iknow I'm putting a lot on you right now, Boyd.I'm sorry.But if you can, if you seehim, keep an eye on Kassian.""Is he still having trouble?" Boyd tried to think back to what Kassian had seemed likewhen he'd been over.He had been so upset about Sin, though, that he couldn't sayfor sure what Kassian's mood had been.He'd seemed relatively normal from whathe recalled.Another brief hesitation and it seemed that Carhart was reluctant to say al of hissuspicions out loud."I just think there is a strong possibility that she wants to turnhim over to her side.She considers him good material-- one of the few highly rankedagents who has a clean record to date and shows no signs of defection.I'm notsaying that it's wrong to obey orders, but there is a possibility that she will try tomake him become her man instead of ours.And when that happens, there's oneless person that we can count on.And unfortunately, Kassian knows a lot.He's alsohad his fair share of problems lately, and I cannot say how it affected him becausehe isn't giving anything away.I won't say more than that, out of respect for him."Boyd frowned.Imagining Kassian not being someone he could trust or count on wasa disturbing thought after al they'd been through.He wondered what Carhart wasreferring to and determined to visit Kassian the first chance he got."I will," he said seriously."Thank you." Carhart straightened his jacket and looked around again."I'll sendBrian over with a panel soon.Janus is active again and making moves.There's a lotto catch up on."That being said, the General nodded at Boyd and made eye contact for a longmoment before turning and walking away.Boyd sat alone for a long period after Carhart left, mul ing over everything he'd justlearned and what steps he needed to take next.It shifted his perspective and, in truth, helped him get his mind off the morass of painand hopelessness he'd previously been feeling.It was still there but it no longerdominated every thought and action.He had the opportunity to think clearly,something he hadn't been able to do since he'd returned.He didn't know how longthat feeling would last but he took advantage of it while it was there.It took Boyd a few days to find out where to even begin looking for Ivan.He startedat the Research & Development floor but for some reason it seemed like every timehe visited the place Ivan wasn't in that day, or had just gone to lunch and couldn't befound at the cafeteria, or for one reason or another had simply seemed to disappear.He gathered that Ivan's routine wasn't very predictable anymore and it made it moredifficult to track him down.His frustration was further emphasized because he didn't want to be too obviousabout his intense need to see the other man.They'd never been on particularlyfriendly terms so he couldn't keep coming by acting like he just wanted to catch upwith an old friend when he barely even looked for Owen or Ryan or someone itwould be more plausible for him to search out.Luckily, he'd run into Kaspar early on and the quiet bookworm had learned how tobe very discreet.He kept an eye out for Ivan without making it obvious and hetexted Boyd simple information that would be meaningless if it was intercepted bysomeone.Cafeteria and working late and gone tomorrow were the sort of notes he'dsend, never mentioning Ivan's name.And since Kaspar was one of Boyd's fans, it made sense why he would occasionallyseek Boyd out on compound.A puppy dog look on his face and a stack of books inhis hands as always, and words under his breath when he drew close.Strangely, Boyd felt safer relying on Kaspar for this than he did Ryan.He trustedRyan completely, yet he knew if he told Ryan he was trying to find Ivan then thequestion would inevitably rise: Why?Although Boyd could say he wanted to talk to him about the last months of Sin's life,which would be true enough, he didn't relish the half-unsaid lie resting within thosewords.The growing hope that Sin was really alive.That Boyd could track him downand find him and everything would be okay in the end.A happily-ever-after ending he desperately wanted to hope could be his.If only hebelieved in Sin enough.If only he researched hard enough [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]